Salaams :))
Me and my husband were invited to a Pakistani families house for dinner this Friday. There were about 6-7 families there and many little kiddos. Even though some Pakistanis I have known are a bit liberal thinking and sometimes have mixed gatherings, this time I was pleasantly surprised that us women were in the living room and kitchen and the men had their own separate dining area. I love when the ladies have a comfortable space all to themselves away from the men, since then women tend to relax and good girly chatting follows :)) The house was large and had a second story which made the situation even more comfortable because the kids had their own huge play area with tv and toys upstairs and away from us, so the moms could actually carry a conversation without being jumped on or otherwise distracted by the little ones. As usually is the case with Pakistani gatherings the hostess had made many delicious dishes and yummy chai!
As the evening wore on, and we all went thru discussing the normal topics of clothes, weddings, kid's schools, etc- the conversation headed into Islamic territory...
I was the only woman wearing full hijab there ( Everything covered except the face, hands, and feet, with a properly covering scarf with no hair, neck, or ears showing).
So one of the women asked me why I dress the way I do ,"to that extent" when we are in the States and in her opinion hijab and many of the other laws of Islam were for another time.
Now I'm not going to get into evidences and such, but in summery, my belief is that Islam is the Truth, for all time and that the laws of Islam do not expire and do not change based on where in the world you find yourself.
She went into explaining how in "those times" people dressed like that in general so it wasn't a big change, plus she said she couldn't understand why alot of Muslims "just make religion hard on themselves". In her opinion you are not supposed to make it hard on yourself and if you keep it easy then you will be Religious in the moderate and correct way. In her eyes anything else is extreme. She went as far as to say that Fiqh is man made so not necessary to follow. Many of the other women nodded in agreement since I guess to them her words sounded easy and pleasant.
Wow, did I have alot to say. ( I didn't take it personally that her comments were in a way telling me she thinks me wearing proper hijab is extreme, I saw it as a chance for dawah to a fellow Muslimah. I calmly explained my view that you can not pick and choose in Islam as to what you would like to practise and how. And also only when it is convenient for you. Islam is very complete and Alhamdulillah very straightforward as to the basic requirements. And if we start to knock things off because they are making it difficult on us then I guess fasting should go, and then keeping up with 5 prayers everyday isn't easy eighter so scratch that, and so on. Then we would be left with nothing, and wouldn't be praising Allah in any way or showing that we are thankful for all of his bounty. If we strip away our Islamic practices because they inconvenience us, or like in the case of wearing hijab in the States, because they displease people and make us feel self conscious- then what would separate us from disbelievers? If we are disobeying Allah's laws, and not praising him in any way than what would be left of Islam?
Inshallah some of what I said to the lady made sense to her and maybe got her thinking about rethinking how she practises her Islam. It is difficult when living in Un-Islamic environments to keep our religion, values, and morals intact, but it is a struggle worthy of aLL OF OUR STRENGTH. We as sisters in Islam should really try to keep open communication between all of us, even if there are differences in our practises. We should listen to and support each other and be open to learn from one another in the hopes of staying strong and on the right path. All of us will be tested and will have our weak moments, but if we have good sisters around us for support the path will be much easier, insha allah :))
11 comments:
Salaam, good job explaining it to her. I'm glad you spoke up and it seems like you did so in a nonoffensive way. Sometimes I find it way easier to give Da'wah to nonMuslims than Muslims. I think it's because the conversation from them tends to get defensive because they dont want to be told that they are not following Islam the way it should, regardless of whether you state it or not. But I hope she or some of the other women take in and learn from what you said.
Salaam Sis, ya I totally agree, alot of the time especially where Hijab is concerned, I also find it harder to talk to other Muslimahs that have a different view about it. I used to get defensive, especially if I find myself the only hijabi in a gathering, but alhamdulillah have gotten better at just calmly explaining my views. :))
Salam! Just found your blog =)
You know, explaining the hijab to non Muslims is tough but it is even tougher when it comes to Muslims. I just started wearing the hijab myself and I vary from style to style everyday but I try to cover up as much as I can and I take it one day at a time.
Sometimes I think people come up with their own interpretations of Islam to make themselves feel better about the things that they do. Instead of saying that we just make religion easy on ourselves I think they should say that they are more comfortable not wearing proper hijab or not wearing hijab at all. It's as simple as that. Why twist things around and say that fiqh is man made etc?
Furthermore if you are happy covering yourself up the way you do, they have no reason to impose their beliefs on you.
Salaam Sis!
First of all I love your blog mash'Allah!
This post really hits home, because I have had many members of my husband's family approach me with the same ideas. I also wear full proper hijab insh'Allah the way Allah swt commanded us to, and I have had more than one person tell me that didn't I know that hijab is not mandatory?? (ummm WHAT???) and Islam is all in your intentions, that we shouldn't make it hard on ourselves.
You handled the situation brilliantly, and I will definitely use that example next time someone questions me (about slowly peeling away the "hard" things about Islam until there is nothing left).
Keep up the good work insh'Allah! Please follow my blog too insh'Allah. www.veiledcouture.blogspot.com and check out this website of beautiful handmade jewelry www.lovenyla.com.
Allah Ma'ak
Salaam Sisters and welcome :))
I'm so happy that you guys found my little space in the blogoshpere :)
Sr. Shahira first off Mabrook on starting to wear hijab :)) May Allah make it easy on you sis!
I agree with u that it is absolutly fine for all of us to be at different stages of our covering. It is a trial for us all and im sure all of us ladies have our ups and downs! And as u said us having a hard time doesnt mean we should try to change Islam. And I completely agree that if a lady just says straight that she isnt comfortable wearing it, then no one should bother her further, it is between her and Allah. It is worse to start justifying it because other sisters around could be influenced.
And Salaams Sister MP :)) Thanks for the nice words :)) Inshallah in time ur husbands family will see the truth and beauty of hijab thru your consistency and patience and maybe start wearing it and inshallah you can get the reward :))
I'm going straight away to check out both of your blogs! I love finding new blogs of sisters, as a way to interact with my dear sisters in Islam!
Take care, x
I found this blog through one of my favorites, Symphonic Discord. I hope you don't mind me tumbling along here.
I found this entry fascinating, because a lot of what you said resonated with me. (I'm a nonMuslim, practicing Catholic to be exact.)
"I calmly explained my view that you can not pick and choose in Islam as to what you would like to practice and how. And also only when it is convenient for you."
I find the above and what you wrote afterwards to be a universal truth in regards to religion. I've seen it in Catholicism and you're experiencing it with Islam. There are certain hot button issues in the Catholic faith that have us girls having similar discussions regarding certain "outdated" tenants of our faith.
As a Westerner and NonMuslim, I do have a story to share. I was at the park a few weeks back and it was very hot and humid. I live in Houston, so the weather is miserable here. Well, a Muslim family came to play soccer and I only know this, because I noticed the teen/college girl who was wearing the full hijab. (I am even wording that correctly?)
She stands out in my memory, because she had a color outfit of purple, creams, and lilac, which went well together. She was trotting around kicking that ball having the time of her life.
Other people would have looked at her and maybe had a conversation similar to the one you did. I saw her and applauded her mentally. I don't know how she did it. If there was ever a time to wear shorts it was that day, but you wouldn't have known that she was hot. She didn't have the "oppressed" outlook, a label we (Americans in general) often stick too easily on things.
Could I have done what she did? Honestly, no. However, as a fellow girl trying to do the right thing within the confines of her own particular religion, I had to respect that one young lady. She did it with class and style.
(P.S. If anything I wrote seems amiss or ignorant, I apologize. I was a bit hesitant to post this story on a stranger's blog, but it seemed appropriate to share.)
As salaamu alaikum - sorry to crash the sisterly-love here :-P
Briefly, I also like it when get-togethers are segregated - the only Muslim sisters I know that are not related by blood - whenever I go to their place (when it's a larger crowd) we are separated, as we were this past July 4th. I think this makes the sisters more comfortable as you said. Of course, we had to 'cross-over' as the sisters were in the area of the kitchen - where the food was being served, but of course, it's all good in that regard.
Good for you Sr. Layla!! This was an interesting insight as to how other Muslim women reacted to the situation. Indeed, as Sr. Shahirah said, it's harder to explain to fellow Muslims about hijab or even other similar issues.
I will say that no one is my extended family here in the US wear hijab, though I do have some cousins in India who do. While as a guy, I certianly wouldn't force a sister or wife to wera hijab - I do certainly think you ladies look beautiful in them and I do think it is the right thing to do. Yet, there is the issue of why the sister is wearing it, as I I do see some (in England for example) who do wear covering clothes, yet I see them with boyfriends or the hijab actually draws attention - as there is some shiny decoration on the head - doesn't that defeat the purpose. Also, I've heard from my Malaysian brothers where I study, that the Malay girls only where it as a tradition, not due to Islam - which is a bit confusing if you ask me. So, Sr. Shahirah, awesome! May Allah (swt) make it easy for you.
In the end, only Allah (swt) Knows why a person is wearing hijab. Of course, because a woman wears it, this is not saying she is the perfect Muslim, but I think putting it on is a big first step and it's only natural, as with other aspects of one's Islam, to struggle with it and that with Allah's (swt) Grace, to eventually overcome any weakness and make one's Imaan stronger.
Anyways, just my thoughts as a bro. :-)
Hello and welcome MadameLefty,
I'm so happy you did decide to stop by and comment!
I loved your story, it was so comforting and made me so happy to know that there are open-minded ladies like yourself out there that will not automatically label a hijab wearing woman terrorist or oppressed and could see that actually she is a woman trying to do the right thing as commanded by her creator and out of modesty. I wish women in general could be more supportive of each other in that way, no matter what religion, race, or nationality they are. It’s so easy to miss-judge one another and hate based upon differences but I think getting to know each other and learning from one another would make us happier. In the end we are all sisters in humanity with all that entails.
It brought such a warm smile to my face when you said-
“as a fellow girl trying to do the right thing within the confines of her own particular religion, I had to respect that one young lady. She did it with class and style.”
You were able to see to the core of the matter; that she was happy to be pleasing her creator and to be following her religion.
I believe that religious women, of the three monotheistic faiths in particular have a lot in common as regards to our values and outlooks. And if we could just open up the lines communication, there is so much we could learn from each other, and even with the differences we could still be a great support to one another !
Thank you again for stopping by, do come back often!
Take care, :)
Thank you Brother Muslim for you thoughts its great to know what our brothers are thinking aswell. Plus I find it strengthens my resolve when my fellow Muslims encourage eachother to do good :))
Your observation on the different ways and reasons women wear the hijab is so true! I have also encountered women wearing it for the wrong reasons, or acting not in accordance with the whole meaning of hijab. But ofcourse as you said, it is a step in the right direction, it is not a promise of perfection. It is like if a Muslim is not praying regularly, and then starts to, he is one step closer, but it doesnt mean everything else is perfect.
I think the point is to keep taking steps in the right direction, and even if we are falling short in some things,not to neglect others. And to always strive to be better. May Allah help us and guide us all ! :)
Salaams
Hey deary. I am a female MBA from Karachi, Pakistan. I totally SUPPORT u aginst the pakistani women u talked about. they give me a hard time as well though i don't wear hijab properly,but my dressing is conservative. I do write on issues related to religion and need more enlightenment from people like you. Love ur blog outlook and ur DEEP thoughts.. Best of Luck for ur blogging. I hope we can be mutual followers- if u like my blog?? don't forget to leave a comment please!
http://relationships-catgirl.blogspot.com/
Salaam and welcome CatGirl :))
It can be frustrating I know, but those situations are great oppurtunities for Dawah to our fellow sisters and it opens the lines of communication, inshallah :))
I will definatly check out ur blog! I love finding interesting new blogs to read!
Take care Sis :))
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